The desert wind was howling.
“I sense an omen,” the little boy said to himself.
“Alchemist!” he called the Alchemist.
“I sense an omen. My bladder is full,” he said rubbing his hands below his stomach.
“A call fromb Nature can never be postponeb,” the Alchemist replied, as he tried to turn a handful of sand into food by swallowing it.
The little boy looked around and in a distance there was something that looked like a palm tree. He decided to head there.
“When you desire to pee, the whole universe conspires to stop you!” the old man had said and it was coming true.
He thought of relieving himself then and there, but the old man had also said, “always choose destiny over desire.” So he started walking towards the palm tree.
“Goob-bye!” The Alchemist said.
“Good-bye!” said the little boy.
He could not stop thinking of Preethi, the girl who worked in the same floor as him in Oho, a company that worked in the cloud. Her name was imaginary, he made that up because he was too scared to ask her. “It would have been a breach of her privacy to talk to her,” he assured himself. When he tried to remember what he was pursuing, his bladder ached ever more. “When I go back a successful man, she’s sure to talk to me on her own,” he thought. “Won’t that be a breach of my privacy?” he pondered for sometime as he walked in the direction of the palm tree.
“How you doin’?” It was a familiar voice. As he turned around he saw the Englishman who he’d last seen at the oasis. “Yo!” he said.
“Hi! Did you find your Philosopher’s stone?” the little boy asked, his bloodshot eyes twinkling with curiosity as he struggled to hold his bladder.
“Nope. I discovered that my interest was in music. I’m a fullmetal alchemist now,” he replied with a wink. He was wearing a strange thing over his ears, which gave out a faint sound which the boy thought was the work of the devil.
“Why do you look so troubled?” The Englishman asked him, secretly happy that the boy was in trouble. ‘That stupid Alchemist,’ he cursed inside his head.
The boy spoke in the Universal Language – which is to raise one’s pinky finger, and shake it as much as he wanted to pee. The little boy created a small swirl-wind with his pinky finger, trying to convey his trouble to the man.
“There’s a toilet around here somewhere,” the Englishman said, suddenly feeling the need to relieve himself.
The Englishman tried to think. But he came up with a suggestion instead.
“You speak the Language of the World from your heart. Why don’t you ask God himself?”
The boy was amazed. This idea had not occurred to him.
The boy contacted God through the Soul of the World.
“Hello!” he said to God.
“Hello, who’s this?” God replied.
The boy was stunned. “Doesn’t He know my name?”
“How may I help you?” God asked next.
“I want to know where…” the boy stopped midway as the sandstorm howled louder across the desert.
“I can’t hear him,” he said to the Englishman.
“Well, then, try this.” The Englishman offered an iPhone X from his bag. He called God and gave the boy the earphone.
The little boy was scared but once the Englishman helped him, he could hear the ringing.
“Hello, shepherd boy!” God said.
“How did you know me now?”
“Well this app is really good. This shows your entire life here down to every deed, good or bad, and it takes care of rewards and punishments. Now it’s not like the old times when I’d accidentally mix up the names and award people cancer, or IBS, or enlightenment incorrectly. Credit to these genius developers. The setting up required a lot of support–,” God replied.
“I want to know where the nearest restroom is,” the boy cut in.
“Well, man. Just think of the difference it has made. No more unfairness in the world thanks to this new app. The world has gotten fair. At least, that’s what the exit interviews say.”
The boy was of the feeling that there was a grain of worry in God’s voice.
God continued, “Look at what humans are doing. I wish I was more productive. I wish I’d thought of these simple app ideas in all the eons of free time I had. Can’t blame myself, though. I had a lonely, orphaned childhood.”
He continued lamenting for sometime.
The boy gathered his courage, “Can’t you stop complaining. You’ve got everything,” the boy said.
“Same to you,” God said and hung up.
“What he was trying to teach me was inconclusive,” the boy said, as he was relieving himself. He looked at the palm tree in the distance.
It must be a mirage, he convinced himself.
“Well… I’ve come up with something that makes your life infinitely more easier and it’s very simple to remember,” the Englishman said pissing beside the boy.
“The best way to live life is to live life,” he said. “It means to do whatever you wish to do at all your phases. Make the mistakes you’re supposed to make…”
“What about worrying then? Should we worry?”
“Yes,” he said, but doubtfully.
He started after relieving, “Well one should not worry for more than 3 days for anything. For the death of a human it shallt not exceed a month and for the death of a pet no more than a year. Oh! It ain’t simple ain’t it?”
At these words, the little boy ran towards the palm tree without bothering to zip.